Okay, as my good friend Karen pointed out, "I know you must be busy if you didn't write about the election." And we have been. I'll spare any commentary on the election since it is thankfully long gone. And I'll skip my constant diatribe about school and practicum. Instead, I'll share some fun news. This holiday season we added two new members to the family - a bug-eyed fish named Bugsy and a rescued rabbit named Velvet. Maddie is in animal lover heaven. Here are some photos of Maddie and Velvet.

The Power of Mentos

Just an update

It is amazing how fast time is flying by. As I told my mom and sister this weekend, every hour of my life seems to be devoted to something. I started seeing clients. I've been at it for a month now. It's an intense process in which I have felt completely overwhelmed and under-qualified at times. At other times, I think I might actually be better than good at this job. Still juggling classes and trying to pull together my dissertation. It is a nutty process.

Moops is bouncing along in fourth grade. Right now, we aren't in any sports or anything because there is little time and she wants to run races, which there are very few for her age. She's growing like crazy, looking very much like an almost preteen. It makes me miss my baby.

Hope everyone is doing well and we hope to see you soon.

Love

Jami and Maddie

So now it's real

Today was my first day of practicum. I am working a a brief therapy center at a local community mental health center. The population is low income and mostly Medicare/Medicaid patients. Most of the time today was spent going over charts and what needs to be in them. Then I was assigned my first clients. I learned (or had confirmed for me) two facts of life:

1. Insurance companies and secondary payment providers do have an impact on quality of care. We will spend hours filling out charts in order to document in a rdiculous way so payment can be made. And then organization audit the charts and find even more ridiculous ways not to pay.

2. People's lives are complex and can be infinitely sad. That seems like a "no duh" statement. But in my role as a therapist now, just how complex is becoming very clear. I can't tell you anything about my clients or their lives because of confidentiality. but I can tell you that it will be a challenging year.

One Year Down

Today officially marks the end of my first year of grad school. A big step. This year has been full of ups and downs. I've learned so much that I can barely think straight. My eyes are getting weaker from all the reading and my wrists are sore from all the writing. It's been a helluva ride. If I wasn't so tired from finals, I would write something philosophical about the passing of the first year. Right now, I'm going to crash.

Crossing All Our Fingers and Toes

In just one day, our friends Jim and Karen Hodge will be going through an incredibly challenging situation (Check out their blog if you haven't done so yet). I have to say that I am amazed by both of you. Your strength and courage are inspiring. I can imagine that you'd prefer not to have to be inspiring. But, nonetheless, you are.

Second, I am so sorry we couldn't be there with you all more during this trying time as you were with us. But you have been in our thoughts and prayers. Maddie even bought Jim a Bengals tattoo to wear after the surgery. :)

Third, as you get ready for this big step, know that you are loved and being prayed for, as I'm sure many others are doing. I keep hoping though that God takes prayers in Dayton more seriously since it's such a depressing place. :)

We love you guys and have all our fingers and toes crossed that the surgery will go smoothly.

Another for the WTF File.

So I finally took a break from managing group dynamics and suicide risk assessment to see what else was happening in the world. Given that I haven't read much of anything that doesn't relate to psychology, I thought I would finally dive into a magazine totally unrelated to how the human mind works. A few weeks ago, I happened to be a Barnes and Noble picking up a gift and also snagged a copy of The Atlantic, a magazine that I don't typically read but it had a catchy title about how the Internet is making us stupid. Interesting.

One article in particular caught my attention. Now I realize it's been awhile since I've been connect to the world at large and even more time has passed since I was connected to the world of journalism. But, nonetheless, I still have a fondness for newspapers. It's the world on which I cut my teeth. So when I read an article about Rupert Murdoch buying the Wall Street Journal, I felt the need to grab a picket sign and storm the offices (a leftover urge to protest from Kent).

What the F***! I understand that the days of newspapers are numbered. I mourn the fact that in my lifetime, ink-stained fingers after a Sunday morning with the New York Times may disappear. In this day of technological consumption of news, it won't be long until newspapers will be relics.

But is it really necessary to desecrate one of the last bastions of quality in newspaper journalism as we become slaves to the computers? Murdoch owns Fox Freakin' News and a bunch of shitty gossip rags in London. He intends to set it up to compete with the NY Times. But given the draw to profit and his history, it will most likely pull to the quality of the NY Post.

It is a sad day for all of us who grew out of the simplicity of black and white print.

Fourteen years ago, I met two of the most amazing women. We became an inseparable little triad. As time passed and we grew up, we all scattered across the country. Somehow, despite all the distance and all the complications life has thrown at us, we've managed to keep our friendship.

Nine year ago, our little triad added a fourth with the birth of Maddie. And it stayed that way for quite awhile until Kelly gave us Peyton two years ago. This year, our little group was blessed with the addition of three little girls - Avery, Campbell and Evelyn.

Here we are now. From three to eight. Love you girls.

Clad in bright yellow uniforms that were reminescent of the Bad News Bears, the Alpha Veterinary Clinic team racked up another two losses, giving the team the worst record in the league, which again is eerily similar to the infamous movie team. The final loss, after a painful one and a half innings, left players and parents alike wishing for a drunken Walter Mathau to swoop in and whip the team into shape. Hell, we'd settle for Billy Bob Thorton from the subpar remake of the classic.

We'll keep you posted on the little team's progress.

"Well, That's Why They Wear Helmets."

In their first three showings on the diamond, the Alpha Vet Clinic softball team suffered three devastating losses. Bested by teams with bigger players who had more practice, the little yellow team struggled with to keep hope alive. In game one, the team racked up more walks than anything else, allowing their opponents to score 29 runs in a three inning game before the game was called off. In the two following games, the little Alpha team managed to knock in a couple runs and make a few plays, which surprised the players most of all.

One highlight of the Alpha team's opening performances has been young pitching phenom Maddie "Wild Pitch" Pfirrman. Much like Eddie from Bull Durham, Pfirrman has a mean (underhand) fastball that is as wild as her crazy long hair. Batters quaked at the plate with Pfirrman on the mound - not so much fearing a strikeout as a wild pitch. At each showing on the mound, little Pfirrman managed to hit several batters - two right in the head.

Will the Alpha team manage to pull it together for at least one win this season? Will the wild arm of Maddie Pfirrman be tamed?

Stay tuned for season updates.

I am Blessed ...

... to have a friend like Angie. If you are looking for a little inspiration and something to touch your heart, check out her blog (which is a fantastic read). The link is on the right. The blog post that she references from my site is under the May posts call Mother's Day in case you haven't read it yet and are curious what she's writing in response to.

Massive Updates

We've had a crazy beginning to 2008. Thus the lack of updates until now. I finally had a moment to write. And by "had a moment," I mean I am procrastinating and avoiding the mountain of work that needs my attention. Besides two big emotional hits with losing Kath and finding out about Jim Hodge's cancer, we've had a few bumps on top of the usual chaos (Quick recap - I crashed the car, Maddie was sick, I was sick, Maddie ate something with peanuts and ended up in the ER).

Lots of great things have happened too. First and foremost, Maddie is growing into a fabulous person. Who could ask for more? I got my first practicum placement for next year. I met with Fernside to start on my dissertation project and I'm very excited to get things going. Maddie, Mark, Jason and I ran in the Flying Pig 5K. Maddie and I finished in 32 minutes - 10 minutes faster than last year. I went to a conference in Chicago to learn a therapy technique that is incredibly beneficial for kids (also partied it up a bit). Many of the other good things are captured in the blogs below.

Enjoy!

Sweet Little Dreamer

It has been a long time since I snapped a picture of my little sleeping beauty. On this night, she snuck into my room and snuggled in. She looked so sweet and lovely that I couldn't resist taking this photo.

The Babies Hooper

Evelyn and Campbell Hooper arrived this spring and are rapidly growing. Here they are at about 2 weeks-old. Mom and Dad are doing very well as you can see below when we took the girls out to lunch.

Prom ... That's right, Prom

WSU SOPP (school of professional psychology) has a semi-formal dinner and dancing thing to say good-bye to the class heading off to internship. So basically, it's a prom, complete with really bad food and drunken dancing.

Mark and I at prom avoiding the nasty dinner.

Fun in Colorado

Pics from our trip to Colorado.








Miss M walking in the mountains





My fearless snowboarder










This is Mark's son Jason and his giant cheeseburger.













Mark's oldest two - Shannon and Aaron











Miss M looking very hungry.














Mark's youngest son Devon throwing rocks off the mountain.










Maddie and Devon heading up the ski lift.

Blizzard Are So Fun!

Here are some photos from the blizzard earlier this year.









Maddie, Joe and Clare build their fort.



Little Man










I love this photo. The smile and laugh say it all.









Lindsey pleads for mercy. I have seen this face MANY times.









Getting ready to go down the hill.

Mother's Day

I am guessing if you read the title, then you know what today is. That's right, it's Mother's Day. All in all, it was a good day. Maddie planned the "perfect Mother's Day." Early in the week, she gave me a list of things that we could do. Her list included: Bike rideing, play time, baseball, jump rope. snacks, games, tea, bracelets, lunch, shopping, going to the park, flower picking, reading, contests, painting, water balloons, snuggling, tennis, jogging, chaulk, and paper airplanes - a full day as you can see.

Given that it was rainy and there are only so many hours in the day, we did as many as we could. I also received some interesting gifts, including a foam purple sun visor. It was definitely a day to make me proud to be a mom.

The last part of the day really reminded me that I am the mom of a grieving child. Most of the time, we go through our daily lives and - though we keep Kevin present and still honor what was - we focus on what is and what will be. There are those moments when I am reminded that the past is still present, particularly for my kid who so misses her dad.

We went to the movies and grab dinner with Mark, Jason and Devon. Maddie had a little bit of a breakdown. The breakdown turned into an hour-long discussion about how much she misses her dad and how angry she is about his death. It seems that Mother's Day for her is just a reminder that Father's Day is coming. It's at this point in life that I have no answers for her. I don't know what it is like to walk in her scuffed and dirty size 1 shoes. I can't fix this for her, which, as a mom, is devastating.

So why am I writing such a gloomy post on what was otherwise a happy Mother's Day? Because I just explained to my kid that sometimes writing down how you feel helps you work through it. I suppose I'm hoping that by writing this I will feel a little less helpless.

P.S. I know some of you have lost parents, particularly at an early age. Any words of advice for me or Maddie on how you made peace with the loss (or if you didn't) would be most appreciated.

P.S.S. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms, particularly the first-time moms Erin and Julia. And especially to my own mom - I love you.

Proud Mom Moment

**** First things, first: Just wanted to extend my thoughts and prayers to the Hodges who are dealing with an illness. We love you guys and know you'll beat it. ****

Now, one of the most important values I think that is important to instill in my little one is the idea that it is our responsibility to care for and be of service to others. Every year, Maddie saves up a portion of her allowance to donate to groups or causes that she thinks are important. This year, she gave her "Give" money to a global hunger relief fund collected by her school. She is being honored and recognized for her generosity. Here is an email sent to me by her teacher:

"Hi Mrs. Pfirrman,

We are all so impressed with Maddie’s generosity for the global hunger collection! Our assistant principal, Mrs. Leichman, counted all the money in her jar, and it came to $49.35. Maddie will be recognized for her generosity in the weekly bulletin that the superintendent sends to staff via e-mail but is also published in the Beavercreek News Current. (It will be published next Wednesday.) In addition, the cafeteria staff would like to take Maddie’s picture and hang it up in the cafeteria as an example of generosity and caring.

Thank you so much! And congratulations on a job well done raising such a kind and caring daughterJ

Sincerely,
Miss Schmitt"

Final Goodbye

In memory of Kathleen Ellen O'Connor -

I've had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to write in regard to Kathie's death. Even with all that time, I'm still not exactly sure what to say. So if this blog is a little incoherent, forgive me. I'm exhausted and still in shock.

First, for those who attended the funeral, you may or may not have heard why Maddie and I were not there. We drove to Colorado for vacation and couldn't get back before the funeral. Long story for another time.

I want to make this perfectly clear - It had nothing to do with the state of my relationship with Kathie the past couple years. Our situation was undeniably complicated. I suppose that's what happens when two stubborn women dig their heels in about something. We spent the last two years playing this ridiculous game of emotional chicken in which everyone lost. I regret that now. Lesson learned.

The truth is that I love Kathie very much. I love her for raising the person who taught me that you can love without fear or doubt. I, and every life I touch, are forever indebted to Kathie for that. I love her for the way she could make every person she talked to feel like he or she was the center of the party. I love her for her loud, obnoxious laughter and open-door policy for all wayward souls. I love her for the predictable contents of her glass and swirl of smoke around her head. I even love her for mean streak that carried with it a biting sense of humor.

When life knocked me to my knees, it was Kathie who crawled on the floor beside me. She held me as I cried my eyes out and mourned for her son. She held my hair as I vomitted up wine and grief, and then she put me to bed. In those first years after Kevin died, I spent most of my life with Kathie. We cried together until we couldn't see anymore. We laughed through tears until our sides ached when life after Kevin became absurd. She was there when what I needed most in the world was a place to heal.

Please don't mistake this for some Pollyanna version of reality. I know full well that Kathie O'Connor wasn't all nurturance with sunshine and roses. There wasn't a lot of wiggle room in a relationship with Kathie. You were either in or you were out (though even when you were out, you could still get back in). Like most of us, she was complicated.

I'm not sure yet that I will ever be able to understand how Kathie shaped my life. All I know is that some part of me came from that hard-drinkin', loud-talkin', balls-to-the-walls woman and I am grateful.

To Kathie, wherever you are - I give. I'm sorry and I forgive you too.

Woohoo! New Baby!

Congrats to the Clymer family on the birth of Avery Rose. She was born at 9:05 this morning. I am so happy for you Kelly, Jamie, and Peyton. Looking forward to photos (hint. hint).

Congrats and Hurry Home Lennox Family!

Just wanted to send a big congratulations to the Lennox family, who will be adding a third child to the mix. Nate and Katie will be joined by another brother or sister soon. For those who have been keeping up, the Lennox family has been living in the Marshall Islands in the Pacific Ocean for some time now. With the impending arrival of Baby #3, they will be returning the the mainland by this summer. Can't wait to see you all again.

Cute Stories from Two Cuties

The winter has been interesting. So much has happened that I really haven't had time to write it all doen. I do have two stories that make me laugh just remembering them. So I thought I would share:

1. "I Healed Her Mom!"
Several weeks ago, I tweaked my knee while running. At first, it wasn't that bad. Just another sore muscle from running. By the end of the day - after sitting in class for hours - the achy muscle had become so painful that I was limping around. That night, I had some friends over including my friend Laura who just happens to be a real-life reiki. For those that don't know, a reiki is a healer that uses energy flow to make you feel better.

Given that my sore knee was now interferring with my ability to beat Maddie at Wii Boxing, I let Laura work her magic on me. At first, my knee just felt warm. By the next day, I was healed. I don't know how. All I know is she put her hands on my knee and the next day - no more limping.

Maddie was very impressed and the next day, while Laura was babysitting for me, Maddie suddenly came down with a sore knee. Laura "fixed" Maddie too.

The day after that, I picked Maddie up from daycare. When I got there, she was burst with excitement. As soon as I walked in, Maddie shouts, "I healed her mom. I fixed Regan's finger!" I looked over at her. Regan was sitting next to her in her little Catholic school uniform with a giant smile while holding up her newly healed finger. I would love to hear how Regan explained to her very Catholic mother how a little girl from day care who thinks she's a reiki healed her finger.

2. "Oh my God! They stole your cheer!"

This quarter, I had to present a psychoeducational piece to one of my classes. I worked on it over break and was very excited to be covering a therapy technique that is highly controversial and rarely taught at graduate training programs. It's called Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR). Basically, you make your patient's eyes move while talking about trauma to help reprogram the brain.

At Wright State, the interns are required to present on topics of clinical relevance in something called Grand Rounds. Every member of every class is expected to attend. The week before my presentation, the interns presented at Grand Rounds on EMDR. So basically, everyone heard my presentation the week before I was scheduled to give it.

So, after Grand Rounds, I was lamenting to my darling little sister. Lindsey loves many things in her life including cheerleading movies like Bring It On in which one cheerleading team steals anothers big cheer and performs it first. After I told her about the situation with my presentation, my beloved sister shouted, "Oh my God, they stole your cheer. It's just like Bring It On!"

A 10-Minute Break

Just thought I'd let you all know that Maddie and I are still in the land of the living. This quarter has lived up to its reputation. And, what seemed like a blessing is not so much - my professors moved some deadlines around that at first seemed to be exactly what we needed until the snow day last week. Now everything for the midterm portion of the quarter falls on Monday and Tuesday of the coming week. Yikes. I think I will be pulling a couple all-nighters just to get things done. Okay, it hasn't helped that I've also been trying to squeeze in some fun and have yet again procrastinated until the last possible second with everything. You'd think after all the years in school I'd learn. Oh well, I have always been a fan of deadline pressure and tension.

Thank you

Just wanted to say a quick thank you to all of you who called, emailed or sent flowers today. It was a rough one. All your acts of kindness and love made the day easier. And a special thanks to Erin for coming up to hang out. I can't wait for the babies to be able to join us.

Jump Rope For Heart

A message from Maddie:

Hi everyone,
I am raising money for the American Heart Association by doing Jump Rope for Heart at my school, Main Elementary. The money we raise will help fight heart disease and stroke. It's important to me to help people out because it's nice to help. If you want to help too, please visit my web site and make a donation to the American Heart Association.

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=249042&lis=0&kntae249042=F43AA82F02894CB89055B8D75A8D85E5visit Check out my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support American Heart Association – Great Rivers Affiliate

Thanks
Maddie

Look out!

The Divine Miss M is giving it her all to learn how to ride a unicyle, an interest sparked by Mark and his kids. Here, Mark is helping her learn about balance.

January 16

In just a few short hours, Kevin will have been gone five years.


Five years.


It almost seems impossible, particularly today when the distance between past and present seems so small. So much has changed since Jan. 16, 2003. At times, I barely recognize us. At other times, I barely remember who we were. I suppose that is the blessing and the curse of losing someone you love.


I was thinking today about all that I've learned in the years that have followed his death. Some things seem ridiculous, like learning to start the lawnmower. Others humbled me. So I thought I would share a few with you.


What I learned by Jan. 16, 2004:

1. The world's best motivator has big blue eyes, a gap-toothed grin and sandy-brown freckles on her nose.

2. When everything seems out of control, you still control you.

3. When life feels unliveable, sometimes the best thing to do is to get moving.

4. Sometimes you have to fake it until it you make it.


What I learned by Jan. 16, 2005:

1. The amount of time you spend wallowing in grief is not proportionate to the amount of love you have for the person who died. The way you choose to live your life in the aftermath is.

2. Wallowing in grief can become self indulgent.

3. The fastest way to heal is to give to others.

4. The second year is much harder than the first.



What I learned by Jan. 16, 2006:

1. The smell of snow no longer makes me sick.

2. Life is too short to not live passionately.

3. It's also too short to waste on things that drain your energy.

4. And it's definitely too short to hold back "I love you," "I'm sorry," and "I forgive you."


What I learned by Jan. 16, 2007:

1. The losses that come with the death of a spouse didn't stop on the day he died.

2. You can't force people to be what you want them to be.

3. Moving on doesn't mean I have forgotten.

4. Knowing the answer to "What's the worse that can happen?" let's you live quite fearlessly.


What I learned by Jan. 16, 2008:

1. Stop waiting for what I want and go get it.

2. His death isn't the end of our lives.

3. You can love despite a having had a broken heart.

4. When all else fails, go for a run.


Someone once said to me that Kevin's death, like all things, happened for a reason. I don't think I believe that there's some grand plan that shaped the course of our lives. What I do believe is that we give meaning to the loss by the choices we make. It is my greatest hope that the choices I've made honor his memory.

I'm So PRDE (pronounced purdy)

*** Congrats News ***
Congrats to the Clymer family who is getting ready to start a new adventure or their own (this is in addition to the new baby that will be arriving shortly). Jamie is leaving is long-time career with Trader and moving on to new opportunities in Atlanta, Ga. Kelly, Peyton and 1/2 (the baby), will be joining him once the house sells. So everyone cross your fingers, say your prayers and offer up any good will to help them along.

*** On to the Blog ***

In addition the all the academic evaluation we undergo in grad school, we have these evaluations called Professional Role Development Evaluation (aka PRDE). Each professor that you have every quarter evaluates you on your interpersonal skills, general academic ability, other subjective areas that are believed to make one a good psychologist. The topic areas include "Ability to Handle Stress," "Quality of Oral Expression," "Openess to Feedback," etc. As you can imagine, the evaluations can be anxiety provoking as they examine things that can be difficult to accept about yourself.

So last week we were given our first round of PRDEs. And yes, I am going to brag, in part because when I told Maddie, her response was, "Great Mom, can I have a snack?"

I totally rocked them! Two professors recommended that I be considered for special commendation.

Comments from my PRDEs:
"Counseling skills were well above average for this level of development."
"Very thoughtful and mature"
"Considerable evidence of potential to be an excellent therapist."
"Top 2% of class"

So yay! But no time to rest on my laurels. Winter quarter began last week. They weren't kidding. This is going to be a rough one. Mountains of reading, dozens of assignments and lots of projects. But it's also going to be a great quarter in the sense that I will finally get into the meat of the program. Also, I'm finally getting out into the profession a bit more.

In addition to school, Miss M and I are up to other things. Maddie, thanks to Mark's prompting, is learning to ride the unicycle (photo to come shortly). I am again training for the Flying Pig. I'm doing the half this time around (in addition to the 5K with Maddie).

So that's we're we are now. Not a bad place to be at all, especially considering that Wednesday is the 16th.

Christmas pics 2

Bid Daddy LOVES Christmas.










Wild and Wonderful Woo Pfirrman










Mom and Jilli










The Divine Miss M











Jackie just loves the camera.











Papa, Susan and Jilli











Miss Jilli

A Very Pfirrman Christmas

Today, we celebrated a belated Christmas with our Pfirrman family. I could gush on and on about the lovely nieces, about how big Maddie and Will are, and about how good it is to be with family. But a video is worth a thousand words. Enjoy little Jackie and our pathetic attempts to get her to smile.

Boarding Baby 2

Here are some pics from the trip. I realized that I didn't take as many as I thought so if Mark has more on his camera, I'll see if I can add them.

Miss M lookin' cool.











What a goofball!










A Maddie sandwich - The boys are Mark's youngest two. Jason is on the left and Devon is on the right.

Boarding Baby!

So how do you test a if hardcore control freak can let go? I now know the answer - strap her to a board and send her down a hill. That's what happened this week to my little vacation Nazi. Many of you have heard about my travels with Maddie and her constant need to have an agenda for every moment of our time. This time, Maddie found a way to let go a little bit - snowboarding.

This week, we spent three days in PA at the Seven Springs Ski Resort. It was our first attempt at snowboarding. We travelled with Mark and his kids, who all love it. Maddie and I really enjoyed it even though we didn't make it off the bunny hills. No broken bones, although my butt is sore from wiping out. I spent most of the time trying to master the tricks our instructor, Dale, showed us when he wasn't telling me his life story. Miss M, on the other hand, said, "Screw technique" and just went down as fast as possible running over skiers who didn't listen to her warning yell of "Move it, Move it!"

All in all, it was a great trip and quick escape from the chaos that is about to begin. The winter quarter starts next week and academic madness will begin again. Not sure if I should take my or Maddie's approach to this quarter. Maybe a combination of the two.

Anyway, thanks to Mark for organizing the trip and including us in the fun.