I am guessing if you read the title, then you know what today is. That's right, it's Mother's Day. All in all, it was a good day. Maddie planned the "perfect Mother's Day." Early in the week, she gave me a list of things that we could do. Her list included: Bike rideing, play time, baseball, jump rope. snacks, games, tea, bracelets, lunch, shopping, going to the park, flower picking, reading, contests, painting, water balloons, snuggling, tennis, jogging, chaulk, and paper airplanes - a full day as you can see.
Given that it was rainy and there are only so many hours in the day, we did as many as we could. I also received some interesting gifts, including a foam purple sun visor. It was definitely a day to make me proud to be a mom.
The last part of the day really reminded me that I am the mom of a grieving child. Most of the time, we go through our daily lives and - though we keep Kevin present and still honor what was - we focus on what is and what will be. There are those moments when I am reminded that the past is still present, particularly for my kid who so misses her dad.
We went to the movies and grab dinner with Mark, Jason and Devon. Maddie had a little bit of a breakdown. The breakdown turned into an hour-long discussion about how much she misses her dad and how angry she is about his death. It seems that Mother's Day for her is just a reminder that Father's Day is coming. It's at this point in life that I have no answers for her. I don't know what it is like to walk in her scuffed and dirty size 1 shoes. I can't fix this for her, which, as a mom, is devastating.
So why am I writing such a gloomy post on what was otherwise a happy Mother's Day? Because I just explained to my kid that sometimes writing down how you feel helps you work through it. I suppose I'm hoping that by writing this I will feel a little less helpless.
P.S. I know some of you have lost parents, particularly at an early age. Any words of advice for me or Maddie on how you made peace with the loss (or if you didn't) would be most appreciated.
P.S.S. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms, particularly the first-time moms Erin and Julia. And especially to my own mom - I love you.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Proud Mom Moment
**** First things, first: Just wanted to extend my thoughts and prayers to the Hodges who are dealing with an illness. We love you guys and know you'll beat it. ****
Now, one of the most important values I think that is important to instill in my little one is the idea that it is our responsibility to care for and be of service to others. Every year, Maddie saves up a portion of her allowance to donate to groups or causes that she thinks are important. This year, she gave her "Give" money to a global hunger relief fund collected by her school. She is being honored and recognized for her generosity. Here is an email sent to me by her teacher:
"Hi Mrs. Pfirrman,
We are all so impressed with Maddie’s generosity for the global hunger collection! Our assistant principal, Mrs. Leichman, counted all the money in her jar, and it came to $49.35. Maddie will be recognized for her generosity in the weekly bulletin that the superintendent sends to staff via e-mail but is also published in the Beavercreek News Current. (It will be published next Wednesday.) In addition, the cafeteria staff would like to take Maddie’s picture and hang it up in the cafeteria as an example of generosity and caring.
Thank you so much! And congratulations on a job well done raising such a kind and caring daughterJ
Sincerely,
Miss Schmitt"
Now, one of the most important values I think that is important to instill in my little one is the idea that it is our responsibility to care for and be of service to others. Every year, Maddie saves up a portion of her allowance to donate to groups or causes that she thinks are important. This year, she gave her "Give" money to a global hunger relief fund collected by her school. She is being honored and recognized for her generosity. Here is an email sent to me by her teacher:
"Hi Mrs. Pfirrman,
We are all so impressed with Maddie’s generosity for the global hunger collection! Our assistant principal, Mrs. Leichman, counted all the money in her jar, and it came to $49.35. Maddie will be recognized for her generosity in the weekly bulletin that the superintendent sends to staff via e-mail but is also published in the Beavercreek News Current. (It will be published next Wednesday.) In addition, the cafeteria staff would like to take Maddie’s picture and hang it up in the cafeteria as an example of generosity and caring.
Thank you so much! And congratulations on a job well done raising such a kind and caring daughterJ
Sincerely,
Miss Schmitt"
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Final Goodbye
In memory of Kathleen Ellen O'Connor -
I've had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to write in regard to Kathie's death. Even with all that time, I'm still not exactly sure what to say. So if this blog is a little incoherent, forgive me. I'm exhausted and still in shock.
First, for those who attended the funeral, you may or may not have heard why Maddie and I were not there. We drove to Colorado for vacation and couldn't get back before the funeral. Long story for another time.
I want to make this perfectly clear - It had nothing to do with the state of my relationship with Kathie the past couple years. Our situation was undeniably complicated. I suppose that's what happens when two stubborn women dig their heels in about something. We spent the last two years playing this ridiculous game of emotional chicken in which everyone lost. I regret that now. Lesson learned.
The truth is that I love Kathie very much. I love her for raising the person who taught me that you can love without fear or doubt. I, and every life I touch, are forever indebted to Kathie for that. I love her for the way she could make every person she talked to feel like he or she was the center of the party. I love her for her loud, obnoxious laughter and open-door policy for all wayward souls. I love her for the predictable contents of her glass and swirl of smoke around her head. I even love her for mean streak that carried with it a biting sense of humor.
When life knocked me to my knees, it was Kathie who crawled on the floor beside me. She held me as I cried my eyes out and mourned for her son. She held my hair as I vomitted up wine and grief, and then she put me to bed. In those first years after Kevin died, I spent most of my life with Kathie. We cried together until we couldn't see anymore. We laughed through tears until our sides ached when life after Kevin became absurd. She was there when what I needed most in the world was a place to heal.
Please don't mistake this for some Pollyanna version of reality. I know full well that Kathie O'Connor wasn't all nurturance with sunshine and roses. There wasn't a lot of wiggle room in a relationship with Kathie. You were either in or you were out (though even when you were out, you could still get back in). Like most of us, she was complicated.
I'm not sure yet that I will ever be able to understand how Kathie shaped my life. All I know is that some part of me came from that hard-drinkin', loud-talkin', balls-to-the-walls woman and I am grateful.
To Kathie, wherever you are - I give. I'm sorry and I forgive you too.
I've had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to write in regard to Kathie's death. Even with all that time, I'm still not exactly sure what to say. So if this blog is a little incoherent, forgive me. I'm exhausted and still in shock.
First, for those who attended the funeral, you may or may not have heard why Maddie and I were not there. We drove to Colorado for vacation and couldn't get back before the funeral. Long story for another time.
I want to make this perfectly clear - It had nothing to do with the state of my relationship with Kathie the past couple years. Our situation was undeniably complicated. I suppose that's what happens when two stubborn women dig their heels in about something. We spent the last two years playing this ridiculous game of emotional chicken in which everyone lost. I regret that now. Lesson learned.
The truth is that I love Kathie very much. I love her for raising the person who taught me that you can love without fear or doubt. I, and every life I touch, are forever indebted to Kathie for that. I love her for the way she could make every person she talked to feel like he or she was the center of the party. I love her for her loud, obnoxious laughter and open-door policy for all wayward souls. I love her for the predictable contents of her glass and swirl of smoke around her head. I even love her for mean streak that carried with it a biting sense of humor.
When life knocked me to my knees, it was Kathie who crawled on the floor beside me. She held me as I cried my eyes out and mourned for her son. She held my hair as I vomitted up wine and grief, and then she put me to bed. In those first years after Kevin died, I spent most of my life with Kathie. We cried together until we couldn't see anymore. We laughed through tears until our sides ached when life after Kevin became absurd. She was there when what I needed most in the world was a place to heal.
Please don't mistake this for some Pollyanna version of reality. I know full well that Kathie O'Connor wasn't all nurturance with sunshine and roses. There wasn't a lot of wiggle room in a relationship with Kathie. You were either in or you were out (though even when you were out, you could still get back in). Like most of us, she was complicated.
I'm not sure yet that I will ever be able to understand how Kathie shaped my life. All I know is that some part of me came from that hard-drinkin', loud-talkin', balls-to-the-walls woman and I am grateful.
To Kathie, wherever you are - I give. I'm sorry and I forgive you too.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Woohoo! New Baby!
Congrats to the Clymer family on the birth of Avery Rose. She was born at 9:05 this morning. I am so happy for you Kelly, Jamie, and Peyton. Looking forward to photos (hint. hint).
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Congrats and Hurry Home Lennox Family!
Just wanted to send a big congratulations to the Lennox family, who will be adding a third child to the mix. Nate and Katie will be joined by another brother or sister soon. For those who have been keeping up, the Lennox family has been living in the Marshall Islands in the Pacific Ocean for some time now. With the impending arrival of Baby #3, they will be returning the the mainland by this summer. Can't wait to see you all again.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Cute Stories from Two Cuties
The winter has been interesting. So much has happened that I really haven't had time to write it all doen. I do have two stories that make me laugh just remembering them. So I thought I would share:
1. "I Healed Her Mom!"
Several weeks ago, I tweaked my knee while running. At first, it wasn't that bad. Just another sore muscle from running. By the end of the day - after sitting in class for hours - the achy muscle had become so painful that I was limping around. That night, I had some friends over including my friend Laura who just happens to be a real-life reiki. For those that don't know, a reiki is a healer that uses energy flow to make you feel better.
Given that my sore knee was now interferring with my ability to beat Maddie at Wii Boxing, I let Laura work her magic on me. At first, my knee just felt warm. By the next day, I was healed. I don't know how. All I know is she put her hands on my knee and the next day - no more limping.
Maddie was very impressed and the next day, while Laura was babysitting for me, Maddie suddenly came down with a sore knee. Laura "fixed" Maddie too.
The day after that, I picked Maddie up from daycare. When I got there, she was burst with excitement. As soon as I walked in, Maddie shouts, "I healed her mom. I fixed Regan's finger!" I looked over at her. Regan was sitting next to her in her little Catholic school uniform with a giant smile while holding up her newly healed finger. I would love to hear how Regan explained to her very Catholic mother how a little girl from day care who thinks she's a reiki healed her finger.
2. "Oh my God! They stole your cheer!"
This quarter, I had to present a psychoeducational piece to one of my classes. I worked on it over break and was very excited to be covering a therapy technique that is highly controversial and rarely taught at graduate training programs. It's called Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR). Basically, you make your patient's eyes move while talking about trauma to help reprogram the brain.
At Wright State, the interns are required to present on topics of clinical relevance in something called Grand Rounds. Every member of every class is expected to attend. The week before my presentation, the interns presented at Grand Rounds on EMDR. So basically, everyone heard my presentation the week before I was scheduled to give it.
So, after Grand Rounds, I was lamenting to my darling little sister. Lindsey loves many things in her life including cheerleading movies like Bring It On in which one cheerleading team steals anothers big cheer and performs it first. After I told her about the situation with my presentation, my beloved sister shouted, "Oh my God, they stole your cheer. It's just like Bring It On!"
1. "I Healed Her Mom!"
Several weeks ago, I tweaked my knee while running. At first, it wasn't that bad. Just another sore muscle from running. By the end of the day - after sitting in class for hours - the achy muscle had become so painful that I was limping around. That night, I had some friends over including my friend Laura who just happens to be a real-life reiki. For those that don't know, a reiki is a healer that uses energy flow to make you feel better.
Given that my sore knee was now interferring with my ability to beat Maddie at Wii Boxing, I let Laura work her magic on me. At first, my knee just felt warm. By the next day, I was healed. I don't know how. All I know is she put her hands on my knee and the next day - no more limping.
Maddie was very impressed and the next day, while Laura was babysitting for me, Maddie suddenly came down with a sore knee. Laura "fixed" Maddie too.
The day after that, I picked Maddie up from daycare. When I got there, she was burst with excitement. As soon as I walked in, Maddie shouts, "I healed her mom. I fixed Regan's finger!" I looked over at her. Regan was sitting next to her in her little Catholic school uniform with a giant smile while holding up her newly healed finger. I would love to hear how Regan explained to her very Catholic mother how a little girl from day care who thinks she's a reiki healed her finger.
2. "Oh my God! They stole your cheer!"
This quarter, I had to present a psychoeducational piece to one of my classes. I worked on it over break and was very excited to be covering a therapy technique that is highly controversial and rarely taught at graduate training programs. It's called Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR). Basically, you make your patient's eyes move while talking about trauma to help reprogram the brain.
At Wright State, the interns are required to present on topics of clinical relevance in something called Grand Rounds. Every member of every class is expected to attend. The week before my presentation, the interns presented at Grand Rounds on EMDR. So basically, everyone heard my presentation the week before I was scheduled to give it.
So, after Grand Rounds, I was lamenting to my darling little sister. Lindsey loves many things in her life including cheerleading movies like Bring It On in which one cheerleading team steals anothers big cheer and performs it first. After I told her about the situation with my presentation, my beloved sister shouted, "Oh my God, they stole your cheer. It's just like Bring It On!"
Sunday, February 17, 2008
A 10-Minute Break
Just thought I'd let you all know that Maddie and I are still in the land of the living. This quarter has lived up to its reputation. And, what seemed like a blessing is not so much - my professors moved some deadlines around that at first seemed to be exactly what we needed until the snow day last week. Now everything for the midterm portion of the quarter falls on Monday and Tuesday of the coming week. Yikes. I think I will be pulling a couple all-nighters just to get things done. Okay, it hasn't helped that I've also been trying to squeeze in some fun and have yet again procrastinated until the last possible second with everything. You'd think after all the years in school I'd learn. Oh well, I have always been a fan of deadline pressure and tension.
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